...

There were several attempts of posting something here yesterday and just now but my mind was absolutely blank. Well, it was not exactly blank. It was actually very messy, complicated, and tangled till I cannot find any suitable word to describe my feelings. :( It was like so choked in me that I basically had no mood at all. I just lie down on my bed, cried until I fell asleep and when I got up, I cried again and felt tired again and slept again. The cycles repeated until I finally got up from bed and played a game of DOTA. Of course, I know Cy was being supportive but because I was unable to speak out what Im thinking or feeling, he was quite helpless.

Then, its was the only thing I learned from HP307 that pulled me out from bed. Even though through out the course in this semester, most of the content was quite common sense; teaching us how to cope and be happy. Everyone knows! But its always easier said than done. However, the only thing I picked up from C* was about control. If everything got so messy, and stress builds up, focus on things we can control rather than ranting or ruminating on things in which we could not. :)

Why was I depressed for a few hours?

1) I got pek chek with my own body. Most likely its due to the stress that was felt more internally than externally which distrupted my hormonal balance. And guess what I got that freaking period twice in a month!!! Sucks... and I hate period. *something I cannot control*

2) I got pek chek with waking up so early every morning. I have 930 am classes on tues, thurs and fri! Then on wed, need to meet up for stat also at 10am. I know I am not alone and my fellow friends who stay away from school need to wake up even earlier.. but still i think my body could not take it anymore. *again.. something which I could not control*

3) I got pek chek with microsoft words. I need to scroll up and down repeatedly to edit my report. My eyes got so tired and my mouse too get angry with me too because I excessively scroll it up and down I guess, and they finally protested against me. *I could not control my eyes and my stupid mouse*

4) Then, I gave up on my com. Went to stress the library com instead. Guess what, after 1 hour of editing, the file was not saved!!! Sucks again.... *criessss*

5) When Im unhappy or upset, I tend to eat more. I eat more and more and more! :( Then, I can't swim.

So, in the end, after lecture today... I came back to hall and started that depressing cycle... but I am ok right now. Its only 2 weeks away from final. I shall not give up and focus on things within my control right now. *smilez*