Home...

I think most of you are concern. Thanks a lot! The thing is I am not going to Bangkok anymore. I dunno whether its a good thing or not, Cy say we should feel blessed because we escaped the blast, escaped the possible danger and escaped being traped there. I think its quite logical to feel that way but I was so so so looking forward for that trip. And now, its over. Irritating protesters!!! :(

Anyway, I went back home on last Sat. Had been slacking and lived like a happy girl again. Hah! Went for facial, baked 2 banana cakes, slept in my super comfy air-cond room, movied with my sisters (IGOR), and joined 2 free yoga lessons.

My mom rented the shop lot to a yoga teacher. So, all family members are free. Super good right. But I suffer some muscle aches due to all the streching and flexing! LOL But I always always love yoga. :)

Anyway, I managed to finish 2 TVB dramas just in my one week holiday after my last paper. Super crazy right. One Last Standing was a nice movie but the ending was not good. The Four, also was quite funny but not good ending. Why all shows do not have good endings??!!

Hopefully, the book which I am finishing soon will have good ending. The Kite Runner is really a good book. So many many unexpected things occured along the way. I am gonna finish soon. Anyone interested in reading, can borrow from me! :)

Alright, since we cant go Bangkok. We better plan a good good weekend outings before Cy starts his intern on this coming Monday. :)

holiday

Going back tmr...

I have been slacking ever since the last paper. Started reading the book Dr Cha gave me. The Kite Runner .

Oh, not forgetting the TVB Drama which I started. Last One Standing. :)

DONE~

Yep, officially done with the finals. It was super tiring but I must say that it was fun though. Had been studying with Cy, Frank (his neighbor) and Brenda (his gf). Only four of us in the JCRC meeting room, so we basically like use all the stuff there. Write notes and draw mind map on the white board, ta pau food and eat there, brings lots of magazines there for break time purposes,... and we will wake up in the morning together for breakfast, chiong there to study~ :)

Its always nice to study with people. I hate studying alone. I don't know why le. Feel not motivated and boring~ :) But next sem, Cy and Frank got IA le. haiz... means need to study alone. I think I need to get a room asap and have a roomie~

Btw, the final paper was okay, I think~ Nothing difficult but nothing was easy too. Just write and write and write. Came out one question asking how did motivation and resilience affect one's success and failure. Well, it was not in the notes directly, but I think anyone can write le. So, I don't know how did I do. The questions were super open ended. In the end, I became quite philosophical le.

Motivation is needed to get the engine start in the pursuit of personal goals but the journey of goal attainment is not always smooth, thus, we need resilience to fuel our journey.

Not bad hor~ *faint*

After the paper, I went to swim! Then this Jane hor, lazy last minute pang seh because of her laundry??? Thought that she will surely come because she say she 10 thousand year never swim already. Hur hur hur... LOL

But in the end, I met Ah gong there! So funny. Both of us went for the final paper with our swim wear. LOL

Okie, I need to bathe and sleep. Tonight, we gonna have a small small party~ Ordering KFC meals for dinner! Yay!

p/s: going home this sat~

1 more to go...

Just finish my stat paper a while ago. I did not finish the paper and I think many others also the same thing. So, shall see who has the best luck 'tikam' correctly. I hope luck is at my side too, but I am too tired to feel the power for luckiness. Only slept for 3 hours yesterday as I had to mug for stat after Comm Studies' paper. The paper was ok but too straight forward. So, I think many people will do well.

One more paper to go on this coming Thursday before I greet Hello again to my beloved holidays~ And Bangkok is coming really soon too. After this thursday, I can stop my 'chai fan' streak and stop binge-ing on snacks. I had been depending on lots of coffee, biscuits, sweets, crackers blah blah blah...

Alright, that's all for now. And, I am going back home this Sat. :)

A lot of things happened.

Worries and stress and concern.

I hope everything will be fine.

Random

Hah.. I brought my laptop down to the Jcrc Meeting room (where CY and I have been studying these days with Frank & Brenda) with the reason that I need to view the stat's formula sheet. LOL Its a distraction but it keeps me awake. Well, not that stat won't stunned my eyes to be widely opened, its just I am quite sick of it. Haiz.

I spent 3 hours on the same lecture notes trying to remember and think how that genius R will trick us this time. Not forgetting that I have not revise those before mid term. *gasp* :(

Yammie fell sick. OMG. Its exam period but her recent post make me laughed for a while just now. Erm... not that she fell sick that is funny but the way she blogged was quite funny. "I am full of puke" (Yam, 2008). Hahaha~

Remind me of that night before Rebecca's paper. I was not feeling well too. Thought of the worse already, take MC! My stomach felt bloated again. Must be due to over eating during exam period. :( I hate seeing that doctor in medical centre. Even though I go there for flu problem, he will keep bugging me with my stomach.

Doctor: Hey, ur stomach how?

Me: I got flu this time. Stomach ok.

Doctor: That time ur stomach ok after medicine?

Me: Hmm.. ya ya.

Doctor: So did u over eat?

Me: I GOT FLU!!!!

Stupid doctor. *faint*

Oh the point is, don't worry. Just puke it all out, and u will feel fine. (Not what the doctor's advise...)

Strength

One thing about having all papers together and end quickly is the need to have super strong determination and strength. Not physical strength but mental one. Which I think I still need to work hard to achieve a steady mental strength, especially when I am a psychology student. :)

Anyway, next paper is on Monday and killer paper on tuesday. HOW?

*cry*

2 down... 3 more to go.

Its the first day of my exam and I already feel damn tired. Body 'nua', brain damn sien-tiao, hand ache and just plain bored lar~ Haiz. Luckily, I there are only 3 more to go and they are all next week.

Today's papers were Adolescence and Japanese. I didnt had a good sleep yesterday night. Woke up at every one hour intervals. 330am, my mind was thinking of depression, 430am was about eating disorder, 530am contextual model. Maybe my brain was really working hard to consolidate all the facts. Not bad har... but it forget to sleep lar~ *angry* Then, finally I woke up at 7am and get ready for the paper. It was okay... just no time to write then I scribbled like no one's business for the last question. It was the ugliest handwriting I ever seen after Cy's one. LOL

Then, quickly rushed back to hall and revised Jap. The paper was okay. But I got stucked in few spellings and sentence pattern. Well, don't care anyway. Even though I didnt feel I did well, at least its over~~~ That's most important.

I need to take my mind off Ado and Jap. *shooo~* Have to start my momentum on Comm Studies and Stats~

14 days to Bangkok~

The big day~

Yes, finally its the day before the big day. Its weird to look forward for today because tmr I am gonna have 2 papers!! Gosh, I always tell myself never never to put 2 papers in a day... yet, I did it! Hah... That proved again how mankind can be foolish. So sorry for that generalization but I am one representative right. :P

Anyway, I am looking forward for today, hopefully with my enthusiasm, I can study my best and remember all important things today! Last minute is always stressful but healthy and optimum stress can be effective. Well, with this positive attitude, I hope it can last me until tmr 7pm.

Then, I can take my mind off a while and watch Red Cliff (the second half) with Cy. Its really a good movie. LOL Still got time to watch movie... lol

Okie... wish me luck~ I am so gonna kick start the exam spree positively. May God be with me and I shall make Him proud~

how true is it?

SCORPIO - The Intense One
Very energetic. Intelligent. Can be jealous and/or possessive. Hardworking. Great kisser. Can become obsessive or secretive. Holds grudges. Attractive. Determined. Loves being in long relationships. Talkative. Romantic. Can be self-centered at times. Passionate and Emotional.


LIBRA - The Harmonizer
Nice to everyone they meet. Can't make up their mind. Have own unique appeal. Creative, energetic, and very social. Hates to be alone. Peaceful, generous. Very loving and beautiful. Flirtatious. Give in too easily. Procrastinators. Very gullible.


ARIES - The Daredevil
Energetic. Adventurous and spontaneous. Confident and enthusiastic. Fun. Loves a challenge... EXTREMELY impatient. Sometimes selfish. Short fuse. (Easily angered.) Lively, passionate, and sharp wit. Outgoing. Lose interest quickly - easily bored. Egotistical. Courageous and assertive. Tends to be physical and athletic.


AQUARIUS - The Sweetheart
Optimistic and honest. Sweet personality. Very independent. Inventive and intelligent. Friendly and loyal. Can seem unemotional. Can be a bit rebellious. Very stubborn, but original and unique Attractive on the inside and out. Eccentric personality.


GEMINI - The Chatterbox
Smart and witty. Outgoing, very chatty. Lively, energetic. Adaptable but needs to express themselves. Argumentative and outspoken. Likes change. Versatile. Busy, sometimes nervous and tense. Gossips. May seem superficial or inconsistent, but is only changeable. Beautiful physically and mentally.


LEO - The Boss
Very organized. Need order in their lives - like being in control. Like boundaries. Tend to take over everything. Bossy. Like to help others. Social and outgoing. Extroverted. Generous, warm-hearted. Sensitive. Creative energy. Full of themselves. Loving. D oing the right thing is important to Leos. Attractive.


CANCER - The Protector
Moody, emotional. May be shy. Very loving and caring. Pretty/handsome. Excellent partners for life. Protective. Inventive and imaginative. Cautious. Touchy-feely kind of person. Needs love from others. Easily hurt, but sympathetic.


PISCES - The Dreamer
Generous, kind, and thoughtful. Very creative and imaginative. May become secretive and vague. Sensitive. Don't like details Dreamy and unrealistic. Sympathetic and loving. Kind. Unselfish. Good kisser. Beautiful.


CAPRICORN - The Go-Getter
Patient and wise. Practical and rigid. Ambitious. Tends to be good-looking. Humorous and funny. Can be a bit shy and reserved. Often pessimists. Capricorns tend to act before they think and can be unfriendly y at times. Hold grudges. Like competition. Get what they want.


TAURUS - The Enduring One
Charming but aggressive. Can come off as boring, but they are not. Hard workers. Warm-hearted. Strong, has endurance. Solid beings who are stable and secure in their ways. Not looking for shortcuts. Take pride in their beauty. Patient and reliable. Make great friends and give good advice. Loving and kind. Loves hard - passionate. Express themselves emotionally. Prone to ferocious temper-tantrums. Determined. Indulge themselves often. Very generous.


SAGITTARIUS - The Happy-Go-Lucky One
Good-natured optimist. Doesn't want to grow up (Peter Pan Syndrome). Indulges self. Boastful. Likes luxuries and gambling. Social and outgoing. Doesn't like responsibilities. Often fantasizes. Impatient. Fun to be around. Having lots of friends. Flirtatious. Doesn't like rules. Sometimes hypocritical. Dislikes being confined - tight spaces or even tight clothes. Doesn't like being doubted. Beautiful inside and out.



VIRGO - The Perfectionist
Dominant in relationships.. Conservative. Always wants the last word. Argumentative. Worries. Very smart. Dislikes noise and chaos. Eager. Hardworking. Loyal. Beautiful. Easy to talk to. Hard to please. Ha rsh. Practical and very fussy. Often shy. Pessimistic.


I think it some what captures what I am. Its always no good to be a perfectionist and to set a high high expectation. :)

Thoughts

Just to add more sound evidence to my protest against the claims from many many non-qualified psychologist, I ate 3 slices of regular pizza, 1 ice cream cone and quarter chai fan for my dinner! Bleah...

Anyway, as I was reading my 314, I realise labeling really don't make anyone, be it the 'patient' or the people who care for him or her better. Labelling someone as a juvenile, autistic, anorexic, ADHD , depressed, etc etc and list goes on are just names we create to make these 'abnormal' people into categories. Yes, it may enhance what ever treatment of intervention according to their level of seriousness, but the name which has been tagged to them seems to be there forever.

Informal labelling seems most scrutinizing. Can you imagine any of the extended family members, usually those kepo kepo aunties came and crowd together and gossip as though they know what's really behind the labels which the professionals gave. Its difficult for the parents to bear, and even more difficult for the child to handle.

This might just lead to learned helplessness which eventually means WHITE FLAG. We surrender. Yes, I admit we are like this... we have a child who is like this. What can we do about it? Its genetics, its biological, its innate, its not our fault.... And again these are attributions made by helpless parents towards their even more helpless kid.

Hmmm... this then lead to invidious triangle proposed by Pianta and Walsh who are genious to propose that looking at a problem from a single tip of point (child or family or school) will only drown the child right in to middle of it, get everyone else off the responsibility and back to the beginning. Nothing will get improved.

Alright. Its enough of typing so much. *tired*

PROTEST~

Bleah... I am not ANOREXIC! Even though, I might be slightly underweight according to the revised Asian BMI by World Health Organization and might face slight risk for osteoporosis, I am not anorexic ok!! :P

According to what I remembered from the notes by R, there are 4 important criteria for Anorexia Nervosa (AN).

1) Refusal to maintain minimal normal body weight

2) Intense fear of gaining weight or being fat despite skinny

3) Disturbance in the way one experiences one's body and size

4) Ammenorhea meaning loss of 3 mentrual cycles consecutively


I am currently 46kg and my ideal normal weight is 47. So, I am actually not far from it! So, I assume 46kg is healthy! :P

I am afraid of gaining weight. I admit this. But I still love food especially jap, ice creams and chocolates.

I suppose the third sentence means "I am fat when others see I am not". Well, I think Im slightly like this. I still think I am fat when Cy keep saying that I have chicken legs. :P Haizzz

Lastly, how can I be anorexic!!! when I got 2 mentruals in a month??~ Haiz

This is a good way of revision~ WOW! :)

p/s: Ting, don't worry... Im not Anorexic k. I ate nasi lemak just now. Bleah~

stressed~

I have been quite positive these days. Tried to calm myself and tried to de-stress thro some midnight jogs with Cy and his neighbor & gf, went kuishinbo with WeeHock and Jen, went swimming with Cy, dota-ed, etc etc. Actitivies which should be banned totally near exams. Hah! I must be crazy but I have no idea why I still do those things. Haiz...

Was doing my revision for Jap. I realise that its totally not a good idea at all to put two exam on the same day~ Even though I know its really a bad idea, I still go ahead with it at the start of this semester! Perhaps, it was due to the limited choices of UE left at that point of time!!! *faint*

Anyway, Jap is really not easy! Had trouble remembering everything when I got panicked~ *sad* I hope that my effort will pay off. I really had been practising alot but I think as long as it didn't get into my mind, its quite hopeless. :(

I am soooo looking forward for exam to be over. But this means that I need to face the exam first! Haizzz Booooooo !

Finally...

I am officially done with Year 3 semester 1! Can't believe myself actually, the feelings seems quite unbelievable as time passed too quickly till I had no time to grasp the process. Well, what's left is just the exam.

Which do you prefer? A sharp but quick pain or a slow-to-warm-up pain. Well, this time round, I have choice about the pain as the all the modules' exam date were arranged very very close to one another. Haiz. So, I am fated to undergo the sharp but fast pain! :P

Okie. I need to start speeding with my revisions... so much to do but I am still thinking of how to do it most efficiently~

:)

Yay, guess what... I am now blogging with my newly revived laptop. Luckily it was just some memory card problem and after the personnel from DELL replaced it, its ok now. :) Before that, had some conflict with the DELL people. They keep saying they will come and arrange an appointment but in the end, there were a few delays and what most frustrating is I got hooked on the phoneline for more than 10 minutes listening to their not-nice-at-all tone. Bleah... nvm nvm. I shall not complaint since they fix it for me for free. :P

Today was everyone's last lesson le. But mine not ended yet! Boo... tmr, I still got Jap oral test and CS last lecture. I hope I don't too stress tmr and forget everything. Speaking Jap with steph was fun. She is like my practise-mate during lesson. LOL The class would not be that fun without her. Even though its interesting to learn a new language, i think I will give up on level 2 le cause Im too noob and slow in learning entire new writing system, sentence pattern and pronounciation. (sorry stephie for the pang seh... u can take with jy though ) I am better off with English, Chinese, Malay, Hokkien and Cantonese. :P Its enough.... haha

Oh, Kuishinbo yesterday was killing! It was nice and damn exciting but I suffered later on. My stomach almost got punctured by loads of sashimi, sushis, chawanmushi, crab, prawn, lobsters, doughnuts, cakes, ice creams, mochis.... *yummy* but i really cant eat so much. I still full until now!!! haha... Can save ar, I spent $30 for the buffet, I skipped breakfast and lunch today. So, in the end, the buffet may not cost that much. lol

Got photo actually, but i lazy wanna up load. :P

Hmm...

In just a day, there are several things happened and I consider them as mildly impactful so I shall pen them here.

Firstly, started my day with Japanese listening test. It was difficult! Prepared for the difficulties as Irene told me before that via sms that its quite stunning. Hah, psychologically prepared by I was physically stunned when I hear the audio where the man and woman started babbling some foreign phonemes into my ears. Argh.. *faint* Hopefully, everyone else also were equally stunned.

Then, I walk back to hall to call the DELL service centre with the hope that they could quickly come down and revive my pink laptop. The service was ok, they hooked me on the line for 15 minutes and the guy on the phone tried to teach me how to fix it myself. Gosh, I am so not a technical person and I just follow his intructions literally. Haha.. I shocked myself and him too, I think as my laptop starting beeping very loudly! I think he gave up on the laptop (and me as well) and said he will send his man down tmr instead. Haiz.. he did not state the time... means I have to wait the whole day for him?? can die...

After that, went for 314's last lecture. R made everyone so nervous! She returned both the individual essay and group presentation grades. Well, I was happy to receive my individual grade as it was well above my expectation. But our group grade was not that good, haiz... dun like to be presenter of the first week le... so disadvantaged!!!

Nvm nvm... I shall work harder for the final paper then. :P Im tired but I need to jog. I think I could not depend on caffein from coffee anymore. It doesn't really work anymore. So, it should be a better idea to gain some natural endorphin thro' jogging. Shall jog a while more.

Besides... Cy and I are going KuishinBo tmr night!!! *faint*

faint

Its really ironic when everyone including myself choose to think in a more positive manner that everything will turn out to be fine and alright... Oh, when I really manage to convince myself my stupid laptop crashed!!! Crashed!!! *faint*

Its really dead right now.

According to Kubler Ross grieving process which contains 5 stages
(Denial, Anger, Bargain, Sad, and Acceptance),

I am in midst of denial because I could not believe it. It just died like that, right before my eyes. And, I am also very angry with it!!! How can it just died like that! Arghhhh

*frustrated*

Whoa.. surprised to see so many tags in the cbox. Well, don't worry ya people, I am fine and I will be fine. Even though I am quite anxious about the report which R is returning this tuesday, worried about how I will do this time in exam, stress over the amount of revision I need to do and angry with my own procrastination attitude, I know I will be ok. :)

Its just too overwhelming when it comes to self-evaluation. There were lots of questions of IFs that came to my mind and they were very frustrating. I keep thinking, what if I do badly for the report, what if I could not maintain my cGPA this year, ... hundreds of 'what if' and they really got me into imagining all sorts of possibilities. Haizzz *sucks*

*positive thinking* and *visualize trip to Bangkok*

Dates:

13th NOV: Issues in adolescences & Japanese level 1

17th NOV: Fundalmental in Communication studies

18th NOV: Advanced Statistic

20th NOV: Psychological Adjustment and Mental Health

22th NOV: Going Home

26th NOV: Coming back to Sg

27th NOV: BANGKOK

It's the time again...

Its weird to have 2 major exam in a year. Unlike what we used to have in secondary school or high school, where we will only have 1 final exam which was actually not very important. Then, we have like at least 2 or 3 years to prepare for A and O level. So, being in uni, we study hard, stress like mad, play hard during holiday and have fun like crazy. That's life huh? Which do you prefer... a life like a roller coaster or one in which there is not much of worries neither do you feel any peak. Monotonous has its good too but being too flat in life sometimes can be quite dissatisfying. Haha.. That's human. We are ambivalent! We want so many things yet, we rant when things get in the way, when we got it, we may take it for granted in the end until something else comes in and again we find ourselves in a circle where we run around and around chasing for something which is never gonna end. Haizz.. circle of life. :P

Okie.. just a quick update... Had dinner with Cy at Ichiban. I love sushi. It was satisfatory. And Coffee Bean chocolate cake sucks. cannot fight with those form secret recipe. :( Ruined my dessert. We went Jp with a purpose ok... dun say I stress and then didnt study and have fun in Jp. LOL Main aim was to change some Sg to Thai Baht. :)

p/s: Jia you my fellow friends who are having their final soon. Goodluck... ~

...

There were several attempts of posting something here yesterday and just now but my mind was absolutely blank. Well, it was not exactly blank. It was actually very messy, complicated, and tangled till I cannot find any suitable word to describe my feelings. :( It was like so choked in me that I basically had no mood at all. I just lie down on my bed, cried until I fell asleep and when I got up, I cried again and felt tired again and slept again. The cycles repeated until I finally got up from bed and played a game of DOTA. Of course, I know Cy was being supportive but because I was unable to speak out what Im thinking or feeling, he was quite helpless.

Then, its was the only thing I learned from HP307 that pulled me out from bed. Even though through out the course in this semester, most of the content was quite common sense; teaching us how to cope and be happy. Everyone knows! But its always easier said than done. However, the only thing I picked up from C* was about control. If everything got so messy, and stress builds up, focus on things we can control rather than ranting or ruminating on things in which we could not. :)

Why was I depressed for a few hours?

1) I got pek chek with my own body. Most likely its due to the stress that was felt more internally than externally which distrupted my hormonal balance. And guess what I got that freaking period twice in a month!!! Sucks... and I hate period. *something I cannot control*

2) I got pek chek with waking up so early every morning. I have 930 am classes on tues, thurs and fri! Then on wed, need to meet up for stat also at 10am. I know I am not alone and my fellow friends who stay away from school need to wake up even earlier.. but still i think my body could not take it anymore. *again.. something which I could not control*

3) I got pek chek with microsoft words. I need to scroll up and down repeatedly to edit my report. My eyes got so tired and my mouse too get angry with me too because I excessively scroll it up and down I guess, and they finally protested against me. *I could not control my eyes and my stupid mouse*

4) Then, I gave up on my com. Went to stress the library com instead. Guess what, after 1 hour of editing, the file was not saved!!! Sucks again.... *criessss*

5) When Im unhappy or upset, I tend to eat more. I eat more and more and more! :( Then, I can't swim.

So, in the end, after lecture today... I came back to hall and started that depressing cycle... but I am ok right now. Its only 2 weeks away from final. I shall not give up and focus on things within my control right now. *smilez*